


To be so lonely

by petitepos



Category: Dr. STONE (Anime)
Genre: Angst, I feel really bad for Gen, M/M, Mentions of Suicide Attempts, Past Relationship(s), Senku pov
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-23
Updated: 2019-12-23
Packaged: 2021-02-26 01:27:44
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 997
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21925162
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/petitepos/pseuds/petitepos
Summary: He doesn’t need Gen anymore, not like he did before. As much as he’d love falling back into their old habits, he knows that he can’t let himself be that vulnerable again. It’s exhausting to give your heart to someone and never know what they will do to it.Or: the one where Senku breaks up with Gen, but just can't seem to leave him.
Relationships: Asagiri Gen/Ishigami Senkuu
Comments: 8
Kudos: 98





	To be so lonely

They can’t go on like this. Gen has himself draped over his shoulders, drunk out of his mind, mumbling things he can barely make out over the loud music. He’s acting like nothing has happened between them, as if they never went their separate ways. The others have noticed as well, sending him concerned glances, thinking he won’t notice. They know he doesn’t want their pity. Chrome has tried coaxing Gen onto the dance floor, Gen just said he was too comfortable to leave Senku’s side. He can’t go on like this.

The truth is that he misses Gen more than he’s ever thought possible. He misses his cutesy voice, his cheeky comments, the way he’d listen for hours when Senku was rambling again. He misses the feel of silky hair flowing through his fingers, he wishes he could wake up next to him again. The one thing he doesn’t have to miss is how Gen would always call him “mon petit Senku”, even though Senku told him to stop it. Gen never stopped. 

He’s grown sappy. He was used to being alone, used to spending all his time in the lab and walking home with Taiju afterwards. He was used to having dinner with Byakuya and going to bed alone, doing it all over again the next day. That all changed when he met Gen. They’d met at a bus stop, Gen insisting on exchanging numbers. They met a few times after that, the boy intrigued Senku. After the fourth date they ended up in Gen’s apartment, stumbling their way into the bedroom while getting rid of as many clothes as possible. Gen had looked so pretty underneath him, gasping his name with eyes shut tight. 

Secretly he enjoys Gen smothering him like this, even though he tries to deny it. To his friends, yes, but mostly to himself. He was the one who broke things of almost a year ago. He doesn’t need Gen anymore, not like he did before. As much as he’d love falling back into their old habits, he knows that he can’t let himself be that vulnerable again. It’s exhausting to give your heart to someone and never know what they will do to it. Never again will he love someone as much as he loves Gen, but he can’t handle him.

He can’t handle the way Gen trusts him with his life, the way that he’s the one he comes to when things get too much again. When he wanted to hide from the spotlights, Gen would come over to his place and enjoy the simplicity of Senku’s life. He would walk home with him from the lab and have dinner with him and Byakuya. Then they’d fall into bed together, sharing soft kisses. Sometimes Gen would cry and Senku would do nothing but hold him. It wasn’t enough, he knows that now. 

One of the reasons he lets Gen continue to act like this is because there was a time when he was afraid that Gen would never hold him like this again. When he got a call from Gen’s manager, telling him to get to the hospital as soon as possible. When he dropped everything, just to find out that Gen had tried to hang himself somewhere he thought nobody would find him. He looked so small in the hospital bed, light bruises on his neck. The doctors said he was lucky that a passerby had found him just after he jumped from a branch deep in the woods. 

Senku has never felt so lonely. When Gen woke up again he was there, eyes red from crying. He’d said that he was sorry, he was going to get help, that he loves him so much and that it wasn’t his fault. Senku asked if he’d at least left him a note. Gen said no. Senku just nodded and hugged him.

Things changed after that. He started to feel like he needed to be better, to always be there for Gen. Time in the lab got traded for spending time with Gen. Dinner with Byakuya became dinner with Gen. Instead of sleeping on his own he spent his nights comforting a crying Gen. He had to be a fool not to notice how hard Gen was falling, but he felt powerless. If there’s one thing he hates it feeling powerless. 

The second time he had to rush to the hospital he told Gen he wanted to break up.

The third time he didn’t show up.

Half a year later the guilt became too much and he called him again. Gen was happy to see him, coming over for dinner as though nothing had changed. Everything had changed. Senku felt himself being consumed with guilt, while Gen acted as though nothing has happened. As though Senku hadn’t abandoned him when he needed him most. Gen just smiled and hugged him, Kissing him on the cheek when he left again. Promising to call when he got home.

Now, as Gen is whispering sweet nothings in his ear, Senku can feel that old feeling creeping up on him again. That feeling of falling, being helpless before the man in his lap. Feeling like he can’t ever have him like he wants, feeling more lonely than ever before. Gen says he’s getting better, but Senku can look behind the facade. He can see Gen crumbling before his very eyes, slipping through his fingers. He misses the way he would try and put the pieces back together, just to smash them down that one fateful evening. 

As Gen announces that he and his “petit Senku” are leaving, Senku crosses eyes with a worried Chrome. A soft smile is all that his friend gets in return, before Gen is dragging him over the dancefloor, out the door, through crowded streets and empty alleys. Before Gen throws himself down on the bed, taking Senku with him. Before Senku is kissing him again, and again, and again.

**Author's Note:**

> sorry fam,,,, I didn't mean to make this so sad when I started writing it I honestly s w e a r this was supposed to be mild angst,,, I uhhh still hope you enjoyed reading this <3 feel free to curse me in the comments Xx


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